'Stop The War' - A Short Story By Natasha Katherine Low

‘Did you really think that you were prepared for a war?’

It was the first sentence he had said to me, in this one year serving under his command. 

He said the words harshly and angrily, his eyes ablaze with hatred, the sides of his mouth pulled back into a ferocious snarl.

I had never before been the subject of the Captain’s attention – never had to stand there, virtually naked, with every drop of his animosity, his disappointment, and loathing aimed in my direction.

I’d been waiting for over three hundred days for this very man to acknowledge me – but it was hard enough just to keep standing as he did. That cold, black stare held me frozen to the ground, the black blood splattered across his cheek making everything seem even more real – even more daunting. 

The world seemed strange that day – it was as if time had drawn to a stop, as if I had well and truly been murdered. And yet, the corpse of the enemy lay at his feet, the murderous intent vaporised in the morning air. There was absolutely no doubt to the certainty that my life had been spared - had been saved.

The Captain had saved my life – the very thought of it numbed everything in my mind. This man – the very man whom I had trained for years to impress – had seen me fall to my knees, and had been forced to intervene. The crushing reality seemed to weigh down physically on my chest, and the fear that had been racing across my mind for the past few moments turned to shame, and a burning loathing I felt for myself. 

I was disgusting. I was a fool.

He waited patiently for me to speak – it was almost unnerving to witness the Captain’s leniency. It led me to one truth – that he had given up on me, just as I had given up on myself.

“I…” the word slipped out, more out of tension than anything else. I hated the weight of his stare – the heaviness of his presence.

“You don’t belong here,” he said coldly, before I could even muster up the strength to say another word. “I pity you, but I am not surprised.”

I flinched involuntarily, the words piercing my skin as an arrow would. I knew I deserved it – I was just a failure. Tensing, I gripped my sabre with all the remaining strength left in my right arm, yielding under the weight of his gaze.

“I understand,” the words tasted like bile in my throat. “Please accept my resignation.”

“Keep the sword,” there was no emotion in his voice, nothing but honesty in his words. “This might end your life as a warrior in our ranks, but you will still require some protection from the darkness that plagues us.”

“Thank you,” I felt the burden of the gift – no soldier had ever left the battle arms with his weapon still intact. It should have been destroyed, claimed, or taken – and yet I was glad that I could still keep it. “Then, I will take my leave.”

There was no spoken confirmation, but he stepped aside as I steadied myself, sheathing my sword in its holster.

“Leave your robes,” he said, just as I started my walk forward. Immediately, my hands moved in a quick, arc-like movement, and I took in a slow breath as the black vice-captain clothing fell to the floor, feeling the sting of the frigid air against my bare chest. He nodded in approval, not a hint of regret in those deadly onyx eyes of his.

The darkness seemed welcoming to me then – and I felt no pain as I pierced the battle perimeter we had built around us and fled into the shadows, feeling nothing but shame.

 There was no sound of following footsteps behind me, nor was there any more spoken words – I had been dishonorably discharged, and thus it was no longer appropriate for any man in my platoon to address me any longer – much less the Captain himself.

I wasn’t prepared for a war, and I would have to leave before I became it.

The Korean War - Britannica.com

- Just a really short story about a fallen soldier that realizes he was never meant to fight. -

How To Tell If You REALLY Want A Relationship!

A lot of us find ourselves in the hailstorm of relationships everywhere. Watching our close friends (and everybody else for that matter) get themselves into seemingly perfect unions, we find ourselves in repetitive spirals of self-doubt and insecurity. It thus too often becomes a concern that, when the opportunity comes knocking, we would reserve no right mind, or luxury, to turn the other party down.

What would make it the right decision to enter into a serious relationship now, and what would separate it from something made entirely out of loneliness? Here are a couple of points to mull over in the meantime.


1. The Motive

When you're thinking about forming any kind of relationship with anybody, it is important to clearly understand the 'whys', or the drive, behind your ultimate decision. 

Do you want the guy or girl at hand, or do you want a boyfriend/girlfriend in general? 

Are you doing this to prove a point to somebody? Are you doing this to get over somebody else?

When Jensen Ackles thinks

Think long and hard about it. Everybody knows that a relationship takes two hands to clap, so if one party is really doing this for his or herself then everybody involved would be hurt in the long run. 

Take a step back to evaluate the priorities. It is alright to be unprepared for commitment. Treat yourself right, and give yourself the necessary time to adjust. The worst thing to do is to force yourself to be or do something that you just aren't comfortable with, especially if you simply do not want to disappoint the other person. 

Believe me, people will understand 'waiting' a lot more than the heartbreak that will come from rushing into something you are not genuinely ready for.

2. Do you feel the urge to change anything about your partner? 

"He's so loud, but that's okay because it'd just have to change once he gets together with me."

Getting into a serious relationship with a mentality like that is poisonous. You have to like him or her for who they are, not what they could be. Know clearly what you are getting into and decide if you are truly okay with them as a person, and as a life-long partner, because once you do, it is no longer your place to leave the person as and when you feel like it.

"Grease - Sandy's transformation"

3. The 'Potentials' you have now. 

Well, remember that getting into a steady relationship cuts off all other opportunities in the field for both of you.

This point of consideration sounds a little mean, (and, frankly, narcissistic) but let's admit it - it does usually affect how one feels about any relationship. And if it affects one a little too much, it could also just mean that the other party at hand simply isn't the one that will be truly wanted in the long run. 

Do not pick anybody because they are 'the next best thing'. This isn't fair to them, no matter how much they seem to like you anyway, and it certainly isn't fair to yourself.

To quote a monologue from Emma Morley's segment in 'One Day':

'I love him, she thought, I'm just not in love with him and also I don't love him. I've tried, I've strained to love him but I can't. I am building a life with a man I don't love, and I don't know what to do about it.'

Emma Morley & Ian Whitehead

This is one of the worst situations anybody could ever land themselves in. There's always that phrase, to 'be with somebody that loves you more than you love them', but is that really what everybody should do with their lives? To settle down because, well, what are the chances you would find somebody you care about, as much as they do you?

As they say, if one party is able to fall in love with two different people, then it would always be the safer option to pick the second one. If you were in love with the first, then you would never have other, and this is almost always true.

Know this and handle it well, unless you simply plan on having an 'open relationship' at the point of life at hand. But remember that this is really only fair if the other parties feel the same way!

4. Are you using the relationship to validate yourself?

Security.

We find ourselves looking for ways to validate our self worth and importance many times in our lives. 

Sometimes, that competitive gene kicks in, and that nasty little thought just gets under your skin. 

"How is it possible for her to have someone while I don't?" 

If a thought like that is the sole drive to getting into the relationship then, well, don't.

New Girl's Jessica White wisdom.

5. Space on your Plate. 

A relationship is going to mean some texting, meet-ups and genuine relationship-y stuff. You can't go into a relationship expecting him or her to give you 'space' all the time because that would just defeat the purpose of it.

If you are about to undergo a major career upheaval, or enter a particularly stressful time loaded with tests and extra curricular commitments, it might be wise to think carefully about the pro's and con's here.

Yes, the other party would undoubtedly have to be able to be there for you at the down points in your life, but is a trying period really the best time to start a relationship?

Sometimes, stretching yourself too thin to please other people can do nasty things to your subconscious. Sometimes it might even become an unfortunate belief that maybe they're the reason you're feeling so worn out too.

Give yourself the slack that you require. If the relationship stands to give you more stress than relief, it might not be the right way or time to start barreling right into it.

6. What do your friends/ family think? Can you honestly withstand their influence?

We try not to admit it to ourselves, but in all honesty: the opinions of our close friends and family (and even enemies) definitely have an impact on how we think. 

Of course, certain people might be immune to this totally, and might possess an iron will and whatnot. But how many times can an average person hear negative affirmation before they start to doubt themselves, and the person that they are with?

It is not a measure of mettle, it just happens to be an unfortunate reality of thought. And plus, sometimes it is probably worth admitting to ourselves that our family and friends should usually only have our best interests at heart.

7. The mentality regarding general attraction.

Let's be honest here. Really honest. 

Are you the type of guy or girl that goes crazy obsessive about an attractive person, and then immediately lose interest after a couple of weeks/ months? Are you usually in love with at least four people at the same time?

Infatuation is always all-consuming and delightful, but it just simply won't be enough to sustain a healthy, long-term relationship.

8. The first priority.

This is the time to shift through delusions and reality. When she's with you, is her phone perpetually in her hands? Does she then take an eternity to reply one of your texts when she's 'hanging' with another friend?

This does not usually happen if you're the first on his or her list. To be in a relationship is to be in each other's top priority lists. To do otherwise would be shortchanging one, or even both parties.

9. Can you handle his or her social life, outside of you?

If your partner is a generally popular person, he or she is definitely going to have some 'potentials' in their friend zone. These people obviously mean nothing to them (in that way), because they're willing to go into this with you now, but how capable are you at stomaching the very-human suspicion and jealousy?

Popularity means that your other half is going to have a bunch of friends of the other sex. Even more than average. Are you going to be able to handle that?

Get your attitude in check before you go into it. You can't make it final, and then demand he or she to stop mixing with everybody else in their life. Bring it up beforehand if you must, but never make the other person feel cornered, or worse - obligated.

10. Is he or she even serious about it?

Lastly, we arrive at the singular, most important variable of this whole conversation.

If he or she happens to be the type that is always blowing hot and cold, and being downright indecisive all the time, it just might not be a good idea to get into a steady relationship with them. 

Do not allow your affections to be a waste of time and effort on both ends. Ascertain the other person's perception, and tread the clearer waters carefully. 

At the end of the day, you need to protect yourself as well, and rushing into anything without knowing how the other feels about it is a lot like emotional suicide.

"One Day", falling for your best friend.

In all honesty, getting into a relationship is simple. Keep it old-school. There shouldn't be any open-relationships or unpleasantness of that sort in a real relationship. 

Be the best friend for them that you would want for yourself, and leave enough breathing room for the both of you to miss each other from time to time. Keep up your own social circle outside of him or her, and never be the one to stay if you always feel like the second option.

All the best, and thank you for your time! :)

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